VALENTINES DAY MASSACRE!

BIG AZI HAS A VALENTINE CARD! Who could have sent it? He thinks it is from me, Brigitte, so I will not tell him it is from that foxy little french Pyrenean bitch Chantal he met at Crufts last year... It will only give him an inflated ego... 'Ma cherie, je t'aime toujours' he growls , so I bite him on the nose & invent a headache.

Big AZI has had a terrible day. He was frog marched to the vets by our Human with no explanation and waited in a queue with three other dogs all scheduled to have their wedding tackle removed for bad behaviour. [ I ask you, who would be a dog? ] Convinced this was to be his fate too, Azi leapt 6 feet in the air screaming when the nurse stuck a needle in him, leaving her holding the empty syringe with the needle bent at 90 degrees, then he completely failed to go dopey, after a long wait, as most of the drug had shot all over the surgery... Our Human sniggered as the nurse tried to look professional in her green uniform- against all the evidence.

Then the Vet came in, dressed in a floorlength overall, facemask, & surgical bootees ,wielding a sort of large pair of shears, whereupon Azi went totally ballistic, knocked over some shelves full of bottles of pills, & with another death defying leap succeeded in pushing the Vet out of the surgery.

The vet returned grimly with another syringefull, & after some more cavorting about succeeded in jabbing Azi in the bum with it. After a few minutes Azi keeled over and work began...

The jab to wake him up again took effect immediately, & to his immense relief Azi's dazed investigations revealed that he now had the shortest set of toenails and neatest clipped feet in all Wiltshire, & was seemingly intact in all other departments.....He has been groggy ever since, 'I ave zee 'eadach, eeet eez terrible, Brigitte....'

FEB 13TH LUCKY FOR SOME...

BABY PUPPIES CUTE OR WHAT? This one is sticking his tongue out at Big Azi..

12 FEB 08, AVANTGARDE BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN Affen pups rule-OK!

WOW, Here we are on the AFFENPINSCHER WEBSITE! Such is technology--until the pups pulled out the modem wires & disconnected us, that is.... They must know there is oneof them advertised on the Kennel Club website.. He is hiding in the coalhole.. Little does he know he is destined for a life of luxurious ease &.will be seeing his relative Idris- Avantgarde Airbourne Lad- every few days. So now the affen population of Wales has doubled overnight... Big Azi is thankful to see some puppies go to their new homes.. They have been tormenting him...
'Ah, zey clambaire all ovair me-- ze leetle devils! An pull my Haires out, Bald I will be for the Crufts, an my Brozzaire, he will beat me, ze disgraice.'

Ze Crufts, our Mistress she say we stay in ze campaire van, like ze sardines-- an moi, ze biggest sardine of zem all, I vil be quite squashed...'

never again...

We have 12 puppies in the house. Thet bounce about like sooty tennis balls all the time, & neeeever stop eating...

A quelque chose francaise.

memo to myself..my new password is A quelque chose francaise...my user name is my old e mail address...

TUESDAY -AN' ALL THAT RAZZAMATAZZ JAZZ--

HEIGHT WEIGHT NOSH INTAKE AS YESTERDAY...
Two Dog Club Christmas Parties in one week! Big Azi disgusted- He won the Fancy Dress class & got a dog chew- OK, -but the only description of his gold lame' wraparound skirt costume with huge shocking pink straw hat that could come to mind was French Transvestite... ' Ow could shee make me look such a fool een frrrront of all zose cheeeky little Rottveiler boys weeth orrrl thaire 'orsebrasses an leather gear? 'exclaims Azi tragically.. Avantgarde Buffy the Vampire Slayer,- more the temperamental Diva than ever, is smug in her new 'double-row schwarzofszi crystals on black' collar. '' Whatever possessed me to impulse-buy That at the Ladies Kennel Association Birmingham Show? I wouldnt dream of buying myself jewellery -what with all you lot to feed?' grumbles our Human, as she drags a gordian knot of furiously jealous snapping little black bitches off the jubilant Buffy

MONDAY AGAIN & BACK BLOGGIN' AT LAST

DOG NUTS --scarcely any-- WEIGHT EVEN WORSE OVER AFFEN STANDARD -HEIGHT SAME AS USUAL
At last! Managed to log back on blog.. even Samuel Peyps must have had a break sometimes, but at least Google never padlocked His diary shut in the meantime so he couldnt open it again when he finally felt up to the job again...

thurs/fri /sat TOP TOYDOG AFFENPINSCHER SUPER CHALLENGE

Dog Nuts 3oz not until 3 am- a nr death experience- Weight 2 oz over Affenpinscher Standard Height 2 '' below Affenpinscher standard
Last 3 days gone by in a haze.. Big Affenpinscher Club speciality Match for la Creeeeme de la Creme CC winning dogs several breeds several Affenpinschers in Coventry on Sat, hence no entries in diary- Our Human in A flurry of last-minute Grooming [us, not her, she adopted usual hasty haystack look -more shabby than chic- & not helped by much lugging of dog boxes around in lifts.]
'Posh hotel'- big rather than true posh,- set next to iconic postmodernist cathedral adjoining original thirteenth century columns & spire- v handy for Azi & Morpheus to cock their legs.
Lot of big self mportant looking men in suits. [Members of usual rowdy Top Judging lot..] One lined us up in 2s, trotted us up & down, & each time chose one -amidst much applause. Poor Avantgarde Buffy the Vampire Slayer was up against the top winning Griffon & knocked out first go, whereupon she bit Avantgarde Morpheus very hard from pure jealousy because he went through to round 2, beating a well known Affen. Then we all got knocked out, along with all the other Affens, [the Affen club being hosts youd think at least an Affen would have had the decency to have won the thing...]
Poor Big Azi had to sit in his big azi box with just the odd gallop round the cathedral now & then to cheer him up, & bursting a few balloons. 'Cest Anti Beeg Doggisme -whai cant ai 'ave a go een zee Match? ' he grumbles. They wouldnt even let him enter the dogs-made-out-of-ballooons competition, even though he was the only exhibit able to stand up unaided...
Mystefyingly, Pug lady's Cleavage did not have usual effect on judge, lot of jokes of the 'Brief Encounter' sort floating around as evening wore on- Us dogs soon realised humans v different from Canines in some respects. Lack of proper sense of smell seems to make it difficult for them to tell male humans from female ones [never a problem to a dog]. Proof being Signs on Lavatories to help them tell difference with pictures, -little trousers & little skirts, - Reactions very puzzling- females with trousers always went in skirt door, I especially wondered 'hy did the man in the fetching Tartan Skirt go in the Trouser door? Suspect Humans more stupid than they let on...
Then all humans had Big Dinner while we dogs had to watch, Torture, Then they all got dazed & confused & had 2nd competition, judging unusually well endowed dogs made of balloons, before much loud musuc & retro-dancing, -the Twist Locomotion etc. Left just before turning into Pumpkins at midnight, home 3 am...Barely survived til food dished up, at 4 am...

Wednesday Exercise has stimulated the Appetite..

Dog nuts the usual, Choc bikkies, I large packet. Indian take-away dinners 1 Wt 3 lbs over Af Std Ht 2'' below A St

The treadmill has impelled me to hunter-gather a full pck of choccie bix now I feel very queasy calories in outstrip calories out by an even bigger margin than usual...