thurs/fri /sat TOP TOYDOG AFFENPINSCHER SUPER CHALLENGE

Dog Nuts 3oz not until 3 am- a nr death experience- Weight 2 oz over Affenpinscher Standard Height 2 '' below Affenpinscher standard
Last 3 days gone by in a haze.. Big Affenpinscher Club speciality Match for la Creeeeme de la Creme CC winning dogs several breeds several Affenpinschers in Coventry on Sat, hence no entries in diary- Our Human in A flurry of last-minute Grooming [us, not her, she adopted usual hasty haystack look -more shabby than chic- & not helped by much lugging of dog boxes around in lifts.]
'Posh hotel'- big rather than true posh,- set next to iconic postmodernist cathedral adjoining original thirteenth century columns & spire- v handy for Azi & Morpheus to cock their legs.
Lot of big self mportant looking men in suits. [Members of usual rowdy Top Judging lot..] One lined us up in 2s, trotted us up & down, & each time chose one -amidst much applause. Poor Avantgarde Buffy the Vampire Slayer was up against the top winning Griffon & knocked out first go, whereupon she bit Avantgarde Morpheus very hard from pure jealousy because he went through to round 2, beating a well known Affen. Then we all got knocked out, along with all the other Affens, [the Affen club being hosts youd think at least an Affen would have had the decency to have won the thing...]
Poor Big Azi had to sit in his big azi box with just the odd gallop round the cathedral now & then to cheer him up, & bursting a few balloons. 'Cest Anti Beeg Doggisme -whai cant ai 'ave a go een zee Match? ' he grumbles. They wouldnt even let him enter the dogs-made-out-of-ballooons competition, even though he was the only exhibit able to stand up unaided...
Mystefyingly, Pug lady's Cleavage did not have usual effect on judge, lot of jokes of the 'Brief Encounter' sort floating around as evening wore on- Us dogs soon realised humans v different from Canines in some respects. Lack of proper sense of smell seems to make it difficult for them to tell male humans from female ones [never a problem to a dog]. Proof being Signs on Lavatories to help them tell difference with pictures, -little trousers & little skirts, - Reactions very puzzling- females with trousers always went in skirt door, I especially wondered 'hy did the man in the fetching Tartan Skirt go in the Trouser door? Suspect Humans more stupid than they let on...
Then all humans had Big Dinner while we dogs had to watch, Torture, Then they all got dazed & confused & had 2nd competition, judging unusually well endowed dogs made of balloons, before much loud musuc & retro-dancing, -the Twist Locomotion etc. Left just before turning into Pumpkins at midnight, home 3 am...Barely survived til food dished up, at 4 am...