Sunday-- Attack! by a Homicidal Maniac...

Diet dog food 3 oz, Horse Manure, 7 oz
Weight obove Affenpinscher Standars 2 lbs. Height below Affenpinscher Standard 2 ins

My Human took us for usual ramble round village, & for 3rd time in last few months big slavering black dog burst out of his garden & attacked us. Only difference this time instead of usual near-murder of me, the fool went for Az, rearing up on his back legs & trying to bite Azi on the shoulder, foaming at mouth with angst,--clearly a Nutter with a Death Wish......

Azi, towering over the Lunatic, was too astonished to retaliate, then our Human recovered from shock & made Az stand still & told him not to bite, while she bellowed unladylike & forbidden words & Crazy Dog's Human rushed out & dragged him away-- Then they had a sort of symbolic fight, only just using words, until finally Crazy's Human, a dour man, walked off muttering-- & it wasnt 'I'm so sorry' either... we did rest of our walk in tense brooding silence then on way back my Human had another big symbolic fight. this time with Wife of Crazy Dog's Human.
Wife believed in blaming the victim & claimed was All Our Own Fault -poor Cholmondley had been 'driven to defend himself' as we had barked at him on previous occasions. 'Yap, Yap, Yap, Yap, Yap,Yap Yap.'she concluded. Hands on hips, elbows akimbo, they squared up, then, waving her arms my Human loudly enunciated 'No, its Wuff, Wuff, Wuff, Wuff, Wuff, Wuff, Wuff,- they never got a chance to bark..... Azi does Dog Training, not running out & biting people, how about yours?' Wife-''Oh isnt that so Nice for you '' in saccharine tones through teeth bared in hideous grimace fondly imagined to be a smile- & flounced off. Humans, eh?

If Big Azi had allowed himself to be dragged into this Insane Vendetta, teams of surgeons would have been fighting for Crazy Dog's life...& Azi would have been in Big Trouble- Humans'd never believe he didnt start it...

''Just let heem lay a fingaire on you, next time, my prrrrecious Marrrrriette, he will nevairrre live to tell the tail..' Thanks but No Thanks, Azi... just eyeball himhim, eh?